EVERYDAY SURVIVAL KIT

First of all, I hope that you had a wonderful, blessed, family- and friend-filled Christmas. Mine was wonderful, and I am so thankful for everything that God has been so gracious as to give me. Second, Seven Days of Prayer is halfway done and I can honestly say that I have not been on facebook or twitter once! I've been talking to God a whole lot lately, and it's just been really nice. =)

The title of this blog is Everyday Survival Kit because I received such a kit for Christmas this year and felt like everyone should be aware of how to get through life. Basically, my Aunt Becky and Uncle Tim are the bomb and I love them and wish that I could see them all the time. But, they live in Florida and I'm stuck here in Ohio. Regardless...here's what you need, according to my aunt and uncle, for everyday survival:


TOOTHPICK...to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." -Matthew 7:1

RUBBER BAND...to remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

CANDY KISS...to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday.
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God." -1 John 4:7

BAND AID...to remind you to heal hurt feelings; yours or someone else's.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

PENCIL...to remind you to list your blessings everyday.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." -Ephesians 1:3

HOT CHOCOLATE...to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of God's blessings.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18

CHEWING GUM...to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13

MINT...to remind you that you are worth a mint to your Heavenly Father.
"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." -John 3:16-17

ERASER...to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it's okay.
"When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?"... (Joseph) "So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And reassured them and spoke kindly to them. -Genesis 50:15-21


Enjoy the rest of your holidays. Eat cookies. Build a snowman. Talk to Jesus. Give someone a hug. Laugh really hard. Love yourself.

Enter the new year with a clear mind, an open heart and a cute outfit. =)


peaceandlove<3

Christmas eve eve

It doesn't feel like Christmas is only two days away. Maybe it's because we're in the middle of moving to a new house, or because i'm sick, or because there's not 3 feet of snow outside. Or maybe it's because, as Americans, we have such a ridiculously distorted idea of what Christmas is supposed to be. And as Christians, we're totally okay with that. We have 100% bought into the holiday hype of shopping and buying and decorating and stressing that nobody cares that our nation is falling apart religiously. It's not just during the winter, either.

I couldn't count on twelve hands the number of times i've heard people complain about Christianity/religion/church/the world. It's seems like everyone I talk to has one opinion or another on how things should be different. You know what I could count on one hand, though? The number of times i've heard people say that they were going to do something about it. That makes me sick and frustrated and disappointed. I feel like, if people would spend as much time thinking of a solution to a problem as they do talking about the problem, this world would be such a better place. If you don't like that there are no people your age at church: invite some of your friends. If you hate that you are partying and making bad decisions every weekend: STOP going to parties! If you think the government is screwing you over: write a letter to the freaking white house!!! But stop sitting on your butt thinking that complaining is going to solve all of your problems. Constant negativity does NOT make you feel better, and it doesn't fix things. You know how they say actions speak louder than words? I don't really know who 'they' are but, in most cases, they are totally right. So as you are writing your new years' resolutions, I challenge you to make one that matters. Make a resolution that is going to better not only yourself, but the world around you. If you have a problem, solve it. Be the change you want to see.

Starting Friday, I'm taking part in a challenge labeled Seven Days of Prayer. From Christmas to New Years Day, I will be MIA from all social networking sites: facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. The idea behind SDOP was a vision of challenging 500 college age students to take a week hiatus from social networking and spend more time with God. The group is currently at over 2,800 members and I believe it will continue to grow. It's going to be hard. One entire week without checking facebook or updating twitter? That's a long time. 168 hours, to be exact. But you know what? Life is hard. Being a young adult in 2009 is hard. And, honestly, being a christian is no walk in a field of flowers. Satan is attacking every part of our country. Young, old, strong, weak, happy, sad, whatever. He's there. But he's sneaky. He pretends to be your friend and he sweet talks you into doing things that you know you shouldn't. So this challenge, to me, is about more than taking a break from facebook. It's about making a difference. It's about growing spiritually and mentally and emotionally. It's about giving the devil a roundhouse kick to the face because i'm stronger than him. We are stronger than him. God is stronger than him.

I know that this post is a little ADD, but that's pretty much how my life is. If you found part of it harsh or offensive, I don't apologize. If you are offended by what I said: do something about it. I'm not going to sugar coat how I feel just so that you don't feel guilty about being a lazy christian. And if you feel up to it, I challenge you to join me, and thousands of others, in Seven Days of Prayer. Whenever you would normally check your facebook: pray. Every time you feel the urge to tweet: pray. Myspace message? Pray. I can only imagine how many amazing things are going to happen with so much prayer being sent up to the big man.

The generation that will change the world will be the generation that the world can't change.

I'm praying for all of you this holiday season. I'm praying that we get back to the true meaning of Christmas. I'm praying that you look in your heart and decide to be the change you want to see. You can do it. We can do it. Let's change the world, friends. =)


peaceandlove<3

turning feelings into words.

Sometimes I write how I feel because I don't know how to say it. But if you read this, I guess now you know.


i remember when i was just a little girl
daddy told me i could have anything in the world
i always thought that was true
and then i met you

now i'm writing you this simple song
cuz i'm not sure if he's right or wrong

would you say yes? would you say no?
ask me to stay? tell me to go?
let's fall in love or never kiss
we could change the world
or leave it just as it is


I may or may not add more to it but, for now, this is my feelings put into words.


peaceandlove<3

yeahh brownies! =)

cleveland browns just beat the steelers.

I feel as though that is definitely blog-worthy. =)

ok. that is all. cleveland rocks. goodnight.




peaceandlove<3

Operation Starvation Awareness

One of the first thoughts I have when I wake up is always, 'i'm hungry.' So I go to the kitchen and I eat a bowl of lucky charms. Then an hour later I have nothing to do so I eat a snack. And then i'll have a sandwich. Maybe some soup later. My mom makes something good for dinner almost every single night. When she doesn't, we order out. My point: I can get something to eat whenever I want. I'm sure most of you can as well. I've never really thought about how much I take eating for granted until now.

I follow Demi Lovato on twitter, and followed a link from one of her tweets that will probably make me think differently about how much I eat for a long time. The link sent me to a blog by Brandt Russo. He has a t-shirt company called Can't Ignore The Poor (http://cantignorethepoor.bigcartel.com/) and does a lot to help out people in poverty. But this blog is about something more. This blog is about giving a voice to the 30,000 invisible children who are going to die tonight because they don't have anything to eat. Brandt is going on a hunger strike to raise money to help feed the hungry. I am honestly touched by his story, because it just really made me realize how blessed I am to have the things that I don't take time to appreciate every day. I will be praying for his journey, and would appreciate if you would too.

With the holiday season coming in full swing, alot of us often forget what the true spirit of Christmas is all about. We forget that it's more about giving than about getting. It's about love and appreciation and miracles. It's about sharing Christ with others, and for some people...Christ may come in the form of a meal that they haven't had in days, maybe even weeks. This year for Christmas, rather than buying gifts for people who probably have too many things to begin with, i'm going to donate my gift money to the invisible children of the world. And if you're reading this, I wish that you would consider doing the same thing. I'm not saying that nobody should get Christmas presents, because it does feel nice to both give and recieve gifts, but maybe instead of spending $60 on a shirt for your girlfriend, you can buy her a $40 shirt and spend $20 saving someone's life. If you are planning on getting me a gift, don't. Spend that money helping somebody who really needs it. This is seriously something that i'm feeling very strongly about right now, and I hope that you all will at least keep Brandt and the invisible children in your thoughts this holiday season. If you would like to read his blog, go to the following link. http://operationstarvation.tumblr.com/ If you would like to donate to the cause, go here ->http://www.adoptajesus.com/blog.html


No child should EVER starve to death. We can help make a difference. A little bit goes a long way.



peaceandlove<3

Lady of Devotion

Devotion - profound dedication; earnest attachment to a cause, person.

How many times have you been at a wedding or family gathering or social event where your basically the only single person in the room? Sometimes I feel like it's the story of my life. And there's always a few people, without fail, who come up and say 'when's it your turn? why don't you have a date? aww, the only single one...don't worry I'm sure it'll happen someday. always a bridesmaid, never a bride.' For the record, if you are one of the people who make those comments because you think you're funny...we're not laughing. People tend to think less of singles. But that's not how God intended it to be. Christ gave single people the advantage of not having any distractions. If you're single, you have the opportunity to fully devote yourself to your relationship with the Lord, without the distractions of a spouse or children.

Devotion is a big word. I'm talking more about depth than length. Profound dedication....that's HUGE! It's like, you can't just kind of be in love with God. It's all or nothing, ladies and gentleman. Take the example used in the book (obviously paraphrased by yours truly): So you're sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch by yourself, feeling like the most ginormous loser in school, staring at the man of your dreams. No chance, right? Then, just as you're biting into your peanut butter sandwich, he comes and sits right next to you. (Is your heart beating faster yet?) So you talk for a little while and he is your perfect match. Everything about him is interesting, and you know that you were meant to be. You date for awhile and fall madly in love. Fast forward a decent amount of time. You're sitting on a park bench in late spring and he tells you that he loves you. He says that for 364 days a year, he is going to be the most devoted, faithful, loving, caring husband he can possibly be. Sounds wonderful, you think. BUT, for one day a year, he can go all Tiger Woods on you and date as many people as he wants, just to see what he's missing out on. Now, 364 days is a lot. But is that good enough? No way! Are we ridiculous for asking for 365 days a year of full commitment and love? Definitely not. And neither is God. We have to be wonderfully, achingly, hopelessly devoted to Jesus Christ 365 days a year. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Always. At all times. Forever.

How do you actually become devoted to God? It's like making a new friend. You know when you meet someone new and you start spending crazy amounts of time together? You talk and text and facebook and email and tweet for hours a day. That's what we need to do with God. We have to spend time with Him and get to know Him. It has to be a two-way street. Talk to God - and listen to Him. Those times when you're praying and all of the sudden it's just silent...maybe that just means that you should be listening rather than chatting. We can't just talk and ask and take and receive. We have to love God for who He is, not what He can give to us.

To anyone who is single right now: don't hate yourself for it. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and strong and loved. Take advantage of this freedom. Use it to grow closer to God. You may never have this time for devotion again. Embrace it. Love it.

Give God your undistracted, wholehearted devotion. He will be the best friend you will ever have. In the words of my friend, Timothy, let God romance you. =)


peaceandlove<3

Lady of Virtue

Chapter Four - Lady of Virtue

"One of life's most costly and beautiful objects is born out of pain and irritation -- the pearl."
To me, the first sentence of this chapter was a powerful one. It was like, 'bam! Hey girl, all the bad things that you run into are just shaping you into the beautiful woman that God plans for you to be.' Yeah, all that from the first sentence, I know. =)

So this chapter starts off talking about Ruth. I'm not sure if you know about Ruth, but she had a rough life. Her husband died. Her father in law died. And if that wasn't enough she had to move way far away with her bitter mother in law to a place where she didn't know anybody or anything. She had a new job and basically a new life. Most people would be like, 'okay God, this is ridiculous, you suck.' But not Ruth. Ruth was a lady of virtue and she knew that God was using these situations to turn her into a pearl. And guess what? Boaz fell in love with her! Not because she had gorgeous hair or a bangin' bod, but because of her character and virtue. "A woman of virtue is irresistible to a godly man."

"The Body Beautiful Trap" - thank you, Hollywood. How many times have you ever thought that you are never going to marry the man of your dreams because you aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, tan enough? Hundreds? Thousands? Probably. We have this lame-o idea in our heads that if we are "beautiful" then we're automatically going to find prince charming and live happily ever after. Okay, stop, blow the whistle. Physical beauty is not mandatory for marriage. Embed that in your brain, please. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." This doesn't mean that braided hair and fine clothes are bad. God doesn't want you to look like you've never showered or washed your clothes. We, as ladies, should always try to look our best. However, our outward beauty should not be more important than our inward beauty. Let's face it: we're going to get wrinkles. Most of us will have cellulite by the time we're 25, if not sooner, and our boobs are going to sag. So if you're plan was to get married based on looks: get a new game plan. However, inner beauty only gets more beautiful. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

Fit for a King
When you picture your perfect man (we'll call him Prince Charming) what do you see? Do you picture some good for nothing scrub who gets drunk and has a different girl on his arm every night? Or do you picture a man of character--someone who is loyal, faithful and kind? Exactly what I was thinking. Let's all just channel TLC for a moment. 'No, I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.' Okay, i'm done. Thanks. =) But seriously, what kind of woman do you think a godly man is looking for? A shallow, selfish girl? Or a woman of character? To marry a prince, you must first become a princess. To marry into royalty, you must be appropriately prepared. Princes marry princesses. How can you sit around waiting for Prince charming to rescue you, if you aren't a princess? Seriously, girls?! I hear it all the time. Everyone is all 'I want a gentleman, I want a prince, I want someone who doesn't get smashed every weekend.' We can't expect a guy to respect us that much if we don't show him the same respect. You have to become a woman of God. We need to be a better person. As you set your attention to developing godly character, Christ will change you into the beautiful princess He created you to be.

I never knew how truly amazing Rebekah was. After reading this chapter, I realized that I need to become more like her. Rebekah was a virgin. She lived with and worked for her father, and she had never been in a relationship. One day she was at the well getting water, and a stranger showed up and asked for a sip. Not only did she quickly give him a drink, but she then RAN to the well to get his camels enough to drink until they were full. She offered him and his animals a place to stay for the night. She didn't do it to 'catch' a man. She didn't do it because she thought it would in someway benefit her. She did it because she was a lady of virtue. She was kind and generous and selfless. She wasn't out looking for a man, but God sent her one anyway. This stranger was Isaac, and they fell in love and were married. I don't know about you, but i'm a hopeless romantic and I just think that is such a cute love story. "Isaac...lifted up his eyes....Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted...Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent...and she became his wife, and he loved her..." (Genesis 24:63-64,67)

If Rebekah had not shown such godly character, my bet is on the fact that Isaac probably wouldn't have been so attracted to her. I mean, she was probably all nasty sweaty from working all day for her father and going back and forth to the well to get water. Maybe he would have thought she was cute, but it wouldn't have lasted. It would have been one of those superficial high school relationships. You know the ones i'm talking about, the quarterback dates the captain of the cheerleading squad for a few weeks because they look good together. (I'm not saying it never works, don't egg my house, but you know what I mean.) Outer beauty fades, so we need to develop inner beauty so that we have the capability to live happily ever after.

Let's go back to the pearl. How many of you have pearl necklaces, or have at least seen them? The real ones are beautiful. They are classy and elegant, and they stay that way. Imitations are beautiful as well. They shine in a way that draws you to them. But eventually, the imitations crack or fade and you get rid of them for a new one. Can you not see that is exactly how our beauty is? We need to have a pearl necklace that is pure, that won't crack or chip. If we want a pure necklace, we need to have pearls of character: peace, love, patience, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, goodness and self control. The pearls that are going to chip and ruin your necklace? Impurity, jealousy, immorality, drunkenness, anger, and things like that. So maybe your looking at your strand of pearls and you realize that you have a few bad beads. Just remove them! Get rid of the bad bead and replace it with something that pleases God.

I know that this is getting long, but there is one more thing that I need to share with you. The three ways to tap into the pearl-producing power and get rid of your bad beads.
1. "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God." The holy spirit lives inside of all of us, and we need to wake up everyday with a desire and a decision to live life in a way that will be pleasing to God. Not just during church or between the hours of 9 and 6, but all day everyday.
2. "Do not quench the Spirit." The book compares this with throwing cold water on a fire. At first I didn't get it, but now I do. It's like, if you feel in your heart that God is calling you to do something: DO IT. Don't tell God that you'll do it later or that it isn't a good idea or give Him a lame excuse. I guarantee that God is smarter than you, so you need to just listen to Him and do what you feel is on your heart.
3. "...be filled with the Spirit." This one seems like it would be a 'duh' thing, but sometimes it's not so easy. To be filled with the Spirit doesn't mean to just top off your heart with God. You need to be empty before you can be filled. So, in this case, I compared the Holy Spirit with milk. I know, only me, right? Anyways, so pretend you have a glass of milk that is half full. Awesome, except that glass has been sitting on your table for 3 days. Not so awesome. Well, that 3 day old milk is your life right now. But, do your happy dance, there's a gallon of fresh milk in the fridge! Woohoo! Guess who's the good milk? That's right, the Holy Spirit! So...what are you going to do? Just pour the good milk on top of the 3 day old nastiness? Not so much. You have to empty your glass and then fill it with the good stuff. I know, it all makes sense now, doesn't it? What can I say...God is good. =)

I know that this post was much longer than the one for the other chapters, but I really felt in my heart that I should go a little bit deeper with you all. I pray that each and every person who reads this will allow God to turn them into a beautiful pearl. Don't settle for cheap imitation by covering it up. Pour out your old milk and let the Holy Spirit overflow your heart and life. Your prince will come, but you must be ready for him. You can be royalty. Become a princess. Jesus loves you.



peaceandlove<3

Unfriend your facebook "friends"

I just recently read an article on www.cosmopolitan.com titled 10 Signs You Should Unfriend Someone on Facebook. Personally, I think that they are funny. After reading most of them, I was like 'oh my goodness, I totally have those "friends" on my facebook!' So basically, I just wanted to share this list with you. Think about it...do you have anyone you need to unfriend?

Here's the list:

1. She’s a firm believer that you can learn a lot about your health from your poop — and has the status updates to prove it.
2. You’ve only met him once but he “likes” everything you do on Facebook. Uh, stalk much?
3. You’re pretty sure she doesn't wear her dress and veil everyday, but the girl can’t stop posting pics from her wedding two years ago.
4. He changed his relationship status to single instead of breaking up with you in person.
5. One word: Farmville.
6. They might not be on The Biggest Loser but for some reason they want the entire world to know what they had for lunch, how many miles they just ran, and when they are sweating it out at the gym.
7. She has a photo album of your days as a teen beauty pageant queen, a scanner, and a passion for tagging.
8. EVERY WORD THEY WRITE IS IN CAPS AND USUALLY FOLLOWED BY TONS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!
9. “So-and-So added you as a friend on Facebook” is the most you’ve heard from him in 10 years. Now that you’ve accepted the request you still haven’t connected.
10. You call her Mom.


First of all, amen number five. Farmville is so obnoxious. Don't get me started. Second, AMEN number ten. Except I would get in so much trouble if I deleted her. I've already tried it twice. =)

I hope you enjoy! Have fun unfriending your facebook, i'm sure I will!

peaceandlove<3

Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right

I have just recently begun a new devotional book/journal and I am absolutely in love with it. It's called Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. (by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, in case you are interested...which you may be after I blog about it a few times.) As I said, I just recently started but the basic idea of the entire book is like, 'it's cool to be single, use it to your best ability'. Kind of. There's a lot to it. Like, the first three chapters are:

1. Lady of Reckless Abondonment - We need to give EVERYTHING to God. Talking the talk is sweet, but if you can't walk the walk you're just like one of those backstabbing girls you meet in school who are nice to your face but sucky behind your back. (Those are my words, not the book's, by the way.) Seriously though, we have to give our words and our actions and, most of all, our hearts to Jesus. No more being a two-faced hoe. (again, my words.) Love God 100% and become a lady (or gentleman) of reckless abandonment! Your relationship with God will effect every relationship in your life.

2. Lady of Diligence - Sometimes being single sucks. Sometimes you feel like you should just sit at home on a Saturday night, eating ice cream and watching movies where you can pretend you are the girl who gets swept off her feet by prince charming and then cry when the movie ends and the only boys on the couch with you are what's left over of Ben and Jerry. (Or maybe that's just me?) But being single doesn't have to suck. It shouldn't suck. A lady of diligence spends her time of being single as a blessing. She takes advantage of the fact that she isn't tied down to other people/committments and uses her free time to serve the Lord. There's no time to waste. Get out there and live for God. He'll take care of you.

3. Lady of Faith - "Faith...a fruit whose blossoming aroma inspires one to victory, and sustains one after loss." JMK We HAVE to have faith. We have to believe that God has some beautiful boy out there who's heart is aching for the day that he can wrap us in his arms and tell us that we're the one he's been waiting for. We have to trust that he's out there, and that God has the perfect moment for us to meet him. We have to know that it's not our love story, it's God's. Do I struggle with this? Daily. There are days when I'm so scared that nobody will ever fall in love with me. That i'm never going to get married or have babies. That my fairytale won't come true. But i'm working on that everyday because I know that God is a much better writer than I am, and that if I have eyes of faith, my fairytale will be Oscar-worthy. =)


Those are just my thoughts on the first three chapters of this book. They are obviously brief and paraphrased and the book is worded with way more detail and stories. However, I already feel like it's helping my heart, and I want to share that feeling. I'm getting ready to read the fourth chapter tonight, and will try to update more (and better) blogs as I go on this journey of becoming God's best while i'm waiting for my wonderful Mr. Right.

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

tonsoflove<3

happy halloween!

I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween. I love dressing up and going out and having a good time...but sometimes people freak me out. I get scared so easily, and sometimes i'm just legitimately creeped out by peoples' costumes. Props to them, though. I mean, that's what the holiday is all about...being scary. Or for some people, being slutty. I still don't really understand why some girls feel the need to barely put on any clothes and parade around like they are the coolest people in the whole entire world just because they are walking around in their underwear. Newsflash, ladies: I walk around in my underwear all the time. (well, only in my bedroom...but still.) Ehh, to each her own. Regardless, I had a good time tonight. It was fun and hilarious and awkward and those are all of the ingredients I love in a single night. I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween.



tonsoflove<3

fallin' for you

I cannot get this song out of my head. I mean, it's a really good song and all but it's been playing on repeat inside of my brain the ENTIRE day today. With good reason, most likely. I love crushes. And I hate crushes. And I hate always being so freaking insecure about every single boy that I think I may have even the slightest hint of feelings for. I am incapable of being a normal 20 year old girl. I am incapable of telling people how I feel. I would rather be just be friends than ruin something by being rejected and making a complete idiot out of myself. Yes, I am that girl. I can't help it. So dear Colbie Caillat, thank you for singing the story of my life right now.


I don't know but...
I think I maybe
fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
keep this to myself

Waiting 'til I..
know you better
I am trying..
Not to tell you..
But I want to..

I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding..
what I'm feeeling..
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my..time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you

I've been waiting all my.. life
and now i found ya
I dont know what to do
I think I'm falling for you...
I'm falling for you...

As I'm standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
and we start to dance

All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It's juusst
you and me

I'm trying..
Not to tell you..
But I want to..

I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding..
what I'm feeeling...
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my.. time
Just thinking about ya
I dont know what to do
I think i'm fallin' for you

I've been waiting all my.. life
And now I found ya
I dont know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you...
I'm fallin' for you...

Ooh, I just can't take it..
My heart is racing..
Emotions keep spinning out...

I've been spending all my.. time
just thinking about ya
I dont know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you

I've been waiting all my..life
and now I found ya
I dont know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you...
I'm fallin' for you...

I think I'm fallin' for you
I can't stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it
I think i'm fallin' for you
I can't stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it
I think I'm fallin' for you...
I'm fallin' for you...

Ooohhh
Ooh no no
Oooooohhhhh

Oooh, I'm falling' for ya

a bumper sticker from God

So, i'm pretty much obsessed with facebook, and more importantly...with bumper stickers on facebook. I don't know why, but sometimes I will just look through pages and pages of them because I think that they are funny and honest and to the point. I found one that, at first, made me laugh. And then I was just like, 'oh that's for real.' This is what it said:

To: People of Earth

From: God

Subject: Stop


knock it off, all of you


seriously, what the hell?


--God

Okay, obviously I don't think that God would call us up and say 'what the hell' but you get the point. I seriously believe that God is looking at the world and just shaking His head at us. What are we doing down here? Look around you. Are you proud of what this world has become? I know that i'm not. We need to get back to God. We need to knock it off. We need to start listening to our Father rather than to ourselves.

I know, all that from a facebook bumper sticker. I'm deeeeeeeeep like my 3-minute miracle from Aussie. =)

I called, You answered.

I have so many things going through my head right now, and if you read this...you are almost guaranteed to experience my ADHD, but i'll try to focus. =)

Basically, i've been in a strange/cranky/distant mood for the past few weeks. Maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't...but I totally have. It's like, nothing mattered to me. And everything was making me think in the most bizarre ways. Ways that i've never thought before. But I didn't talk to anybody about it, because that's who I am. I always just tell myself that i'll be fine. Normally, I am. This was different, though. This was something I just couldn't shake off. I felt lonely. I felt worthless. I felt helpless. And I didn't know why. There was no event or feeling or situation that caused any of those feelings. It was like, one day I just woke up and couldn't feel anything anymore. I cried myself to sleep for days because I didn't know what was wrong with me and I didn't know what else to do.

You know how in movies there's always that 'aha' moment? Like, there's this moment in a person's life where they just go, 'oh wow, hey God, I need you' and that is a defining moment in their life? Well, I never thought those moments happened to real people in real life. And then I went to celebration at Malone on Thursday. I went mostly to find answers. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. And I totally had an 'aha' moment. So, i'm at celebration and the entire time Emily, God bless that beautiful girl, is speaking...I know that God was talking to me, specifically. And then we started singing, and Hillsong came on, and i'm singing and crying and sniffling and crying. I thought I could get it together...apparently I was wrong. After it was over everyone was hugging me like, are you okay? Yeah, i'm fine. And then someone asked me twice, and I lost it. I just couldn't hold back anymore. And he hugged me and told me it was okay. Then I went into the chapel and cried by myself for a solid 45 minutes thinking that I was going to have some kind of revelation that would make everything perfect. Not so much.

That night, I got three text messages before I went to bed that seriously made my heart smile.
1-The best is yet to come. always.
2. Being sweetly broken is the best way to be remade by the creator.
3- sleep well, stef. let God romance you.
You may not realize how much that meant to me, but I can't thank you enough for telling me that.

So, after an incredibly emotional couple of weeks, I have thought and searched and prayed so much more than I have in a really long time. And it's made me realize quite a few things.

A. It's okay to question your faith sometimes. -I think that questioning your faith strengthens your relationship with God. We can't just be like, 'oh I believe in God because I just do' or 'because that's what i'm supposed to do' or 'my friends are all doing it' or anything like that. We need to know why we have the faith and beliefs that we have, and asking questions causes us to get answers.

B. I NEED God. -Now, don't get me wrong, I have always needed God. But I just have this new-found longing for Him. Like, I want to be on fire. I want to be passionately in love with Jesus Christ. I want to do great things for Him. I want to change the world for Him. I need His guidance and love and mercy and grace. I need to know that somebody is always going to be there. I just need Jesus.

C. God always answers. -I went to celebration looking for answers, and that is exactly what I got. I was crying for something to heal me. I was calling out to God for something, anything to make me feel like I belong. And He answered. He always answers.

I struggled. I'm still struggling. I'm probably always going to struggle. But i'm fighting, and I think that's what Christianity is all about: fighting for what we believe in. Fighting for Christ. Being a part of God's army.

I know this is a really long blog, but I feel better now that i've shared it with you. So i'm just going to end with lyrics to the song that broke me. Because "being sweetly broken is the best way to be remade by the creator."

Hillsong United - Came to the Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is is Yours

My whole life
I place in Your hands
God of mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at Your throne


I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

weird.

I know that weird is an overly-used term that could mean a billion different things, but I don't know how else to describe my mood lately. It's like, all I ever want to do is just sit in my room and listen to music, and sleep. Oh, and eat ice cream, obviously. I'm not motivated in school or at work. The only time I get excited is when I hang out with my friends. I hate when I get like this. I hate when I don't know what to do. But I get in this mood every year...and it always starts after the first few weeks of school. Once I realize that summer is really over and everyone is busy and I have to be a grownup and it sucks. It's also probably because i'm single. I know that's lame, because i've always been single. It's easy to be single during the summer, though. It's lonely being single. It sucks being single. I freaking hate being in this mood. I'm normally one of the most optimistic, bubbly people in the world. Seriously. I'm almost always in a good mood. I like being happy. Scratch that, I love being happy. Being happy is my thing! And it's not like I haven't been in a good mood...it's just that they only come every now and then, which is weird for me. Being cranky is so lame. So I guess i'm just going to fall asleep listening to Christmas music, because you can't be in a bad mood when you're listening to Christmas songs.

DOES IT EVEN MATTER?

I wrote this a little over a year ago. I overheard some of my little girls talking about wearing makeup and boys thinking they aren't pretty enough and things that 8 year olds should NOT be worrying about. So it just made me think about what we're putting emphasis on in our lives. I feel that we should be more concerned with how we act than what we wear; with our character more than our reputation. I just hope this makes you think about what is really important to you.


Does It Even Matter

Pretty, ugly, skinny, fat.
Awesome shoes, stupid hat.
Expensive purse, ripped up jeans.
Tell me what it really means.
Does it even matter?

Shiny jewelry or hand-me-down clothes.
Hollister, Wal-mart, stores nobody knows.
Cell phones and ipods so fancy and new,
Some people have none while others have two.
Does it even matter?

Why do we care if her hair is straight,
or what he's driving when he picks you up for a date?
When we gossip is it really a big deal?
Do we think of how it will make people feel?
Does it even matter?

We get so caught up in material things,
buying into the hype that media brings.
Take a minute to put your pride on a shelf.
At the end of the day you have to ask yourself,
does it even matter?

pulled a hammy

It hurts so bad. Seriously, I don't think my leg has ever been in this much pain in my whole entire life. I'm not kidding. It hurts to stand, sit, walk, lay down, exist. Yeah, for real. I cried the whole way home. I cried when I had to sit down to pee. I cried when I turned the wrong way and it felt like someone was trying to rip my leg off. It just hurts really ridiculously bad. So I just want to say, to anyone who has ever pulled a hamstring, i'm sorry. I would never wish this upon anybody. Now i'm going to take more medicine and pray that I can find a comfortable position to fall asleep. Ughh this sucks!

But on a positive note, 90210 is baaaack! =)

realization.

Okay, so my last poem may have been taken as a little bit harsh, especially coming from me. That's not how I meant it. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad or stir up drama. I had feelings for someone, he pretended to have feelings for me, I got hurt--which caused more feelings, only different. You know what happens when I have emotions? I write about them. It just helps me to let everything go and get past stuff. I'm not bitter. I don't hate him. I just needed to get it off my chest, and i'm good now. Besides, I don't even associate with him anymore so it's not a big deal. =)

Alright, now that I got that out of the way...

You know the movies that make you think about things that you don't normally think about? The ones that make you realize that you are NOT, in fact, better than someone else just because you are different than them? The ones that make you appreciate what you have? I love those movies. So the other night I was in the middle of watching a movie, which I don't remember the title to, and this is the aboutness of what I said to myself: (yes, I just said aboutness, and i'm copyrighting it.)

'Yo Stef, you're not all that. You're not cooler than any of your friends or anybody at all for that matter. You should probably definitely be more appreciative of the fact that you actually have friends. And so sometimes you fight with your mom. BIG WHOOP! At least you have a mom. Some kids aren't blessed enough to have parents. They have to raise themselves, and sometimes siblings. You are spoiled. You have more than you could possibly ask for, but you always keep asking. Get it together, girl. I know you have a big heart...show it. Change the world.'

I wasn't telling myself this to be a self-bully or anything. It's just something that I needed to hear. Sometimes we forget about everything that we are blessed with until we are reminded of what we have. For me, at times it just takes a movie to remind me. For someone who reads this, maybe it'll just take a few words from a blog. Regardless, we all need to be a little, scratch that, a LOT less judgemental and a lot more appreciative.

God give us good things every single day.


tonsoflove<3

PSTS

Sometimes I feel like I need to give an introduction to my poems. Other times I don't. I probably don't need to introduce this one...but you better believe i'm going to.

You know when guys lead you on and then as soon as you fall for them because they seem like prince charming they're just...gone? Story of my life. Seriously, it happens to me all the time. I can't figure out why. So before I get into the poem, this is my advice to all boys:

If you don't like me: don't go out of your way to pretend that you do.
If you're still in love with your ex-girlfriend: don't tell me that you want nothing to do with her.
Don't tell me that i'm the perfect girl to date, but then say that your "not dating anyone" so that you can focus on getting your life back on the right track. (and then start dating your ex that you "can't stand" and "want nothing to do with")
Never lie about trying to get your life together if you're not actually trying.
Don't be perfect and then just walk away.
Mostly, don't trip me if you don't want to catch me..


PSTS
Short brown hair and those piercing eyes,
Baby, you've got everybody mesmorized.
With your boyish charm and that great big smile,
You even had me fooled for a little while.
I fell so hard and way too fast.
You made me believe we were something that would last.
You held my hand and whispered in my ear,
Told me everything that I wanted to hear.
At first, you acted it out so well.
If you weren't prince charming, I couldn't tell.
Then out of the blue you stopped playing that part,
You weren't there to catch me and it broke my heart.
Now I know you're a player and as much as it hurts,
I'll just add you to my list of lessons learned.

ps Sometimes I miss the boy you pretended to be.





I'm pretty sure he will never read this. I'm pretty sure nobody will ever read this. But, I feel better knowing that there's a fraction of a chance that he'll finally know what went through my head.

Ice Cream

I love ice cream. You know why I like ice cream so much? Because it always likes me back. Ice cream is always there: in your freezer, at the store, at a restaurant, it's there. It's as close as the kitchen and never more than a drive away. Why else, you ask? Ice cream is soothing. It makes me feel better, and it doesn't care if I cry during sad movies or laugh really hard at Hannah Montana. Ohh and because ice cream is cooler than boys. ughhh.

Tonight i'm just having one of those 'why am I ALWAYS single?' kind of nights. It's super lame. But i'll probably be fine in the morning. =)

freaking out.

Fanta rating is officially over. Finalists find out if they made it into the top ten 'on or around' August 7th, which is Friday. I know I shouldn't be freaking out so much, but I really want this. this could legit be the first step in making my dreams come true. Regardless of what happens, this contest really has been a great experience for me. It has shown me that I have such an amazing support system and that there are people out there who are rooting for me all the way. I've learned that sometimes people will say the most ridiculous things about you, whether they know you or not. That part doesn't bother me too much, which is kind of surprising. When I got called plus-sized and overweight and annoying...I couldn't help but laugh. I realize that I am not stick-skinny, but I am in no way whatsoever plus-sized. I am not going to fall into the trap of having someone call me fat and then all of the sudden become self-conscious and depressed....that's totally not me. Anyways, this summer God pretty much slapped me in the face and said: "Yo girl, I got this." I'm trying really hard to have faith in that, and I do. I know that it's no use getting all worked up and worried, because it's at the point where there is really nothing that I can do right now. Rating is over. I have 25 points so far because of the average of stars I got. The only thing that is happening at this point is that the judges are going to be watching every video and giving points (up to 75) for a variety of qualities. It's not up to me. It's up to the judges, and it is up to God. If this is the path that He wants me to go down, He is going to put me through to the top ten. I just need to trust that no matter what happens, it is all in His hands. I'm praying that his plans include me winning this contest, but if that's not the case, i'm sure He'll show me another way. I trust Him. I know that He is going to do what's best for me. However, I am still going to be freaking out until we find out who the top ten contestants are. I can't help it...it's human nature. =)

A Talk With God

"If you would just stop talking
you might hear what I'm saying."
That's what God was telling me
last night when I was praying.
"Don't worry about prince charming,
you will fall in love someday.
I'm just waiting for the right moment
to send that special boy your way.
Please don't fret about the future,
I have everything worked through.
If you would just be patient
I'll make all your dreams come true.
Don't forget to read the Bible,
that's how you'll know what you should do.
And please continue praying,
I really like talking to you."
I was really trying to listen,
trying to soak up God's sweet grace.
Then I realized this conversation
was about Him putting me in my place.
He told me that He loves me
and that i'm making Him so proud.
He kissed my forehead and whispered,
"Just start loving me out loud."

nerves.

I hate being nervous, yet at the same time, I like it. I like the feeling of getting butterflies in my stomach and not knowing what's going to happen next. It freaks me out to be unable to predict the future, but i'm amazed at the fact that I don't have to worry about it because God has my entire life already planned out for me. Speaking of God, I love him. He has been showing me His love in the most amazingly bizarre ways lately. For example, I taught a cheer camp earlier this week with Logan. It was out in the middle of nowhere (seriously, there was no cell service and most of them didn't have internet). I followed Logan there, but had to leave early and drive home by myself on Wednesday. I had my brother's GPS and my daddy's car, so everything was sweet. The weather was yucky all morning, but I wasn't too worried because it was only sprinkling when I started my trip home. Not even 15 minutes after leaving the school, it started pouring. Being the baby that I am, I am so scared of driving in the rain. I don't know why, but it just really freaks me out. So I was starting to get nervous. While freaking out about the fact that it was raining so hard, I missed a turn because i'm an idiot and had the radio on louder than the GPS. So here I am, driving in the middle of nowhere with no clue as to where I am, and the battery on the GPS dies. I seriously started crying. I was so scared. I honestly thought that I was going to hydroplane, slide off the road, and die there because there was no cell phone service or civilization. (I know, i'm a freak, I can't help it.) The only thing I could think of to do was pray. With my hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles were turning white, I asked God to keep me safe. I told Him that I was scared and that I didn't know where I was. I begged Him to protect me and guide me home. God answers prayers. I am not even kidding you...as I said amen, the rain stopped. The sun started shining. And my GPS turned back on! Please tell me that was not God working first-hand. I was just like, wow God, thanks! I know i'm probably more dramatic than most people and normal 20-year-olds would not find rain and a dead GPS a big deal...but it was a big deal for me. The fact that God was RIGHT THERE is huge! I wasn't dying. I probably would have made it home fine. But God helped me. He calmed my fears and answered my prayer RIGHT AWAY. He is just so good to me, and has been showing me all summer that He's here. He always has been, and He always will be. So I guess to tie this whole post together...I like being nervous, because I like when God calms my nerves. Like right now, I am getting super nervous for my fantana contest. Top ten finalists will probably be announced sometime next week, and I want with all of my heart to be included in one of those ten spots. But I know that my nervousness isn't going to change anything. If God wants it to happen, He's going to make it happen. That's why He is so good.

I love God because He always knows how to calm my fears and nerves.

What's It Like?

When I was eight years old, my grandma passed away. She was my best friend. Twelve years later, I still cry myself to sleep sometimes because I miss her so much. I was thinking the other night about what it would be like if I could see my grandma again. That would legit be the highlight of my summer. So as I was crying about how much I miss that beautiful lady, I decided to write down what I was thinking. After a few minutes, this is what I came up with. I hope you like it, and I hope she's proud.


What's It Like?

Are there really holes in Heaven's floor?
Are the streets all paved with gold?
Are you really watching over me,
Or is that just what i'm told?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do you remember who I am?
Is everyone laid back and quiet
Or do angels like to jam?
Have you ever hugged an angel?
What's it like to feel no pain?
Is it true your tears are falling
every time it starts to rain?
Have you ever touched the pearly gates?
Do you get to sit at Jesus' feet?
Do you think that God will like me
when we finally get to meet?
Is it hot or is it cold?
Have you ever seen God mad?
Can you feel hugs in Heaven?
Do you ever call God dad?
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Can younger angels ride a bike?
I have so many things to ask you.
Grandma, tell me, what's it like?

summa summa summa time

That means that it's summer. lol Okay, so I made this blog becasue I like to write and share my feelings and stuff, but then I wrote two blogs and quit. But guess what....i'm baaaaaack! (If you knew me, you would know that I was singing the word back in that certain way that I randomly sing different words.) Anyways, I like to write poetry. I've shared some of my poems with people on facebook and the random people who read my myspace blogs, but I want to share it with the world. I want someone to read one of my poems and be like, woah. Ya know? I wish that there was a person out there who has no idea who I am who could read one of my poems and just know exactly how I feel. Maybe it could help someone out, or make them think or smile. So I decided that i'm going to get over my fear of people hating my poetry and share it with the world. You know, if anyone ever reads this. So i'll post one tonight and then try to post a new one every few days or so...whenever I feel so moved. The first few will probably just be blogs i've already posted on facebook and myspace, but then i'll add new ones. I'm starting to print them out, because I would like to one day make a book of all of my poems so that people can read them whenever they want.

You know what else I would like to do? Be the fourth fantana! And guess what? I'm in a national contest to do so! Whoop whoo!! So, if you're reading this, help make one of my dreams come true!! Go to www.fanta.com and search for my video (stefanixojune) and give it 5 stars. You can rate it every single day through August 4th. I need to be in the top 10 rated videos so that I can move on and be in the finalist round. I seriously want to win this sooo much! If you help me, I will love you forever. Then again, i'll probably love you either way because I just like people...but i'd appreciate it more if you helped me out. =)

The Prince and Me

It just reinforces the idea that life can be a fairytale. Paige Morgan is a normal girl. She grew up on a farm with her family and spends her free time trying to earn a medical degree. When she first met Eddie, she couldn't even stand him. But despite the fact that she was trying to guard her heart, Paige fell in love. She didn't know that he was royalty, she didn't know that she could become a queen and live an extravagant lifestyle. All she knew was that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life not knowing what it would be like to follow her heart.
Everything about the movie The Prince and Me proves to me that there really is a prince charming out there for me. Sure, he may not turn out to be actual royalty...but he's my prince. And I know that he's out there somewhere, saving himself for the day that we give ourselves to one another for better or worse. People always comment on the fact that i'm childlike and believe in fairytales and dreams. But, I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course I think it's' fully possible for my life to be a fairytale. Why is that so impossible?
My dreams are going to come true. Prince charming is going to be wonderful. I am going to live a full and fabulous life. God has great things planned for me, and I believe that if I keep living for Him, He will make sure that these things happen. So...Hollywood and Mr. Handsome...here I come. =)

I AM WHAT I AM, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'M GONNA BE THIS WAY RIGHT UP UNTIL MY DYING DAY. =)

So I guess this is my introduction blog? Awesome. I'll try not to put you to sleep. Although, it IS after midnight...so maybe you should be in bed. Let's just get to the introducing, shall we??

Here's the basic 411:
I'm Stefani June.
I have 4 older siblings, and I love them very much.
I'm 19 years young babyy.
I love cheerleading, but get so annoyed by the superficial stereotypes.
I've been dancing since I was 2.
Hugs are possibly my favorite thing in the world.
Whoever invented the first chocolate milkshake is my hero.
Allison has been my best friend since we were babies.
I am a sophomore in college, pursuing a PE and Health education degree.
Someday, i'm going to be an actress and/or dancer in a music video.
Joe Jonas is beautiful, and I will mention him often, because he is always on my mind.
My sisters are two of my closest friends.
My life is pretty much one big blonde moment.
Boys who play the guitar are dreamy.
I'm naive and trust people way more easily than I probably should.
I like conversations, but do not enjoy talking on the phone at all.
I try to make good decisions every day.
Meeting new people is fun for me.
You should be my friend. =)