GOD MADE DINNER

I am awestruck by God. I mean, honestly, I am fascinated by Him. Everything He is and was and does and just...wow. For example, Jesus speaks to us all the time. If you've never heard Him, you probably just aren't listening. It's not like in the movies when people hear this big booming voice coming from the clouds and everyone just goes "is that you, God?" Not like that. But it's in the small things that happen to us every single day. Things that seem so simple. Things that most people call coincidence. But I believe in God more than I believe in coincidences. I believe that He uses what we call coincidences to give us a message in a way that we might actually grasp what He's saying. His intelligence is so far beyond our comprehension, that He tries to simplify it so that we'll listen to Him.

Take for instance, the lesson that God has apparently been trying to pound into my brain for the past few weeks. The lesson? (in the words of Mr. Hayward <3) "DON'T MAKE ME SPOON FEED YOU!"

While I was in Peru, I felt an overwhelming closeness to God. It was incredible. I honestly cannot describe the way that I felt being there. Since I've been home, I've been aching for that feeling again. Christina and I were talking about how, no matter what we do, we can't get that back. Lately God has been asking me this: "what are you actually doing, stef?" I didn't have an answer. In the past week, (yes, I'm talking only 7 days) God has brought this same question to the front of my heart and mind in a few big ways.

1. AN OVER-HEARD CONVERSATION (Just to clear this up...I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping. I work in a clothing store. It's small. If you come in talking on your phone: I'll probably hear every word you say. Just sayin.) So last week, I was at the store and a lady came in talking on her phone. I was behind the desk doing paper work, and she was loud. Not obnoxious loud, but excitedly chatting about worship and church service. She was so excited about sharing her faith during this conversation, that it was impossible for me to not listen. Seriously. Impossible. And I know that God sent her in the store while she was on the phone specifically so that I could over-hear what He had to say through her. "God knows you're hungry, child. That's why He made this call happen. He feels you yearnin, and He's got a feast waitin, but it's up to you to come to the table."

2. EXIT 109 - For the past few weeks, I have been helping to lead youth group at my church. Tina and I (obv. together since we're attached at the hip) guide the high school girls. Right now, there are only 4 of us which is nice because it's less intimidating and we can talk about everything. So Wednesday we were in the hall talking about being a christian and how you can't base your relationship with God on other people. (like I told chels: just because your brother may get an 'f', that doesn't make it okay for you to get a 'd'. even though a d is better than an f...the d is still not your best.) In Christianity terms; just because you aren't partying or sleeping around or cussing all the time like other kids your age, doesn't mean you are on the easy path to Heaven. (FYI: if it's an easy path, it's not headed upstairs.) Avoiding big sins and walking with God are not the same thing. Other people have nothing to do with it. It's you and Jesus. It's a commitment. You have to be actively pursuing a relationship with God every single day.

3. A FORWARDED TEXT - Alright, normally I am not a fan of forwarded text messages. Mostly because they usually end with some form of 'forward this to 12 people or I will show up in bloody ice skates at the foot of your bed, wrap you in moldy cheese and feed you to the neighborhood beast'. Ya know, something like that. =) But today, I got a text message that was a forwarded prayer to send to your girlfriends/sisters/etc. It was asking God to be with the girl reading the text; to protect her, comfort her, and help her shine in the darkest of places. At the end of the text was the following sentence: "Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet."


BAM.

game, set and match.

God - 3
Stef - 0


If you think about it, though, how accurate are those statements? How often do we sit and talk about how we just can't seem to get close to God? But if we're not actively trying to build our relationship...what are we doing?




God made dinner. It's ready. Are you coming?





peaceandlove,
Stefani June

BACK IN THE 330

So, I had good intentions about blogging in Peru. I thought that I would blog every night before bed or in the mornings when I woke up. Honestly, I just didn't want to be on the computer. I wanted to soak up every single second of that experience, that culture, that simplistic lifestyle. It was good for me. It was nice to not think about Ohio for two weeks. So I guess if you want to hear about my adventures and how God worked in my life over the past two weeks, we're just going to have to get together for breakfast/lunch/dinner sometime soon and chat about it. =)

Also, God is awesome. We've got some pretty cool things planned and i'm really hoping they work out. That would be fantastic. Well, that's it. God bless yall.



peaceandlove<3

PERU BLOG - JULY 13TH

“Hungry, I run to You; for I know You satisfy.”

Satisfying. What is satisfying, really? Yesterday one of our leaders, Dave, was wearing a shirt from Compassion and it made me reconsider my definition of satisfying. The front of his shirt simply said: “the opposite of poverty isn’t wealth”; the back: “the opposite of poverty is enough.” Enough what? Money? Shoes? Clothes? How are we, as Christians, defining our wealth? God will provide. He gives us everything that we need to survive. Are we not called to measure our wealth in faith? Love? Ability to help others? God-given talents? If so, I’m a billionaire! I have riches in the form of love and friendship and family and faith that people dream of. I have never been afraid that there might not be food available for me. Never in my life have I had to wonder where my parents are or whether or not they would be able to take care of me. I have enough clothes in my closet for an entire city. God blessed me with more people in my life than I could have ever imagined I would have; all who love and support and care for me. Who am I to consider myself anything but rich?

I wish you could all be here. I wish you could meet these people and play with these kids and just experience this place. I know we’ve only been here for a few days, but I feel like I’ve been here my entire life. I haven’t slept this hard in a long time (and that says a lot because I’m a heavy sleeper). Maybe it’s getting up early, or maybe it’s because I feel so comfortable here, but this is some of the best sleep I’ve gotten in weeks. And I totally don’t mind getting up early. I actually am excited to wake up in the morning and see what we’re going to do next. I can’t really blog every little detail, because then I would have nothing to say when I get home, but I’ll still fill you in on our daily adventures. =)

Yesterday, I was on paint duty – with Kelly. We may or may not have gotten into a paint fight. We may or may not have involved everyone in the room. It definitely was hilarious, and I’m pretty sure everyone here thinks we’re insane. Matthew, one of the boys here (don’t even start Britani – he’s 11), told one of the other guys here that Ohio girls scare him because they’re crazy! Hahah It was too cute. But we’re really starting to get to know the rest of the team members, and I really enjoy bonding with everyone throughout the day. Yesterday we seriously talked about love stories all day. I asked everyone I worked with about their love lives and how they met/proposed/etc. It was awesome to hear how God works in some seriously funny ways. He’s a funny dude, the Big Guy.

Last night for dinner some of the neighborhood ladies came and made us a Peruvian dish…DELICIOUS! Mmm…it was seriously so good. It was some combination of brown rice, chicken, peppers, egg, idk what else but it was really really good. Then we played the HAHA game...success! I honestly cannot play that game without cracking up. We got quite a few people to play and it was super funny. Then Manny (one of our new friends, who is also a translator) was like, ‘you want a real Peruvian experience? We’re gonna play kiwi.’ So a bunch of us played this kiwi game and it was sweet! (Minus getting a soccer ball thrown at my head and an elbow to the cheek.) After that, we just sat around outside and talked for awhile.

It’s so awesome to see how God works through such a variety of different people. It proves that God doesn’t see your outside appearance; He just sees your heart. He doesn’t care if you’re a 22 yr. old med student or a 9 year old little girl…He can use you. If you have a heart for the Lord and you want to help: He will use you to shine His light on the rest of the world.

p.s. These blogs may be coming later than when I write them, but it all depends on time/internet availability/etc. Keep checking back!

peaceandlove<3

I'M IN PERU!! =)

First of all, I just wanted to let you all know that I made to Peru safe and in one piece. =) Secondly, I cannot believe this is all real!

I have seen God so much already, but i'll start at the beginning for you. As many of you know, this trip was my first time flying...and I LOVED it. On the first flight to New York, Justin let me have the window seat because he's awesome, and I watched out the window pretty much the entire time. It really got me to thinking about how big God is. At home, everything in life seems so important. There's so much 'big stuff' that we lose focus of what really matters. But when you're up in the sky, looking through clouds at the place you call home, you realize just how small and insignificant the earth is. From up there, you can't see people or houses or schools or celebrities. All you can see is God's creation. His perfectly crafted, beautiful creation. This place is nothing compared to the Home that our Father has prepared for us in Heaven.

After we got to Lima, we rode in a van to Chilca. It was pretty late so we just put our bags in our room and went to bed. Sunday morning we woke up, ate breakfast, and went to church. That service was unlike any church service I have ever been to in my life. The worship was so sincere. It was like Jesus was just hanging out dancing and clapping with us. So awesome. After church we went to lunch with some of the kids from Hannah's. I wish that you could all meet them. They are so full of love, and you know how I feel about love...it's my favorite. =) One of the girls, Esther, grabbed my hand and started walking around with me as if we were best friends. I just love how God works in us so that, even with a language barrier, we could have a genuinely good time. And then there's Kelly. She is the funniest little girl here. I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember my name, but she just calls me crazy. I guess the kids in Peru are just like the kids in Ohio. lol The rest of Sunday was basically just hanging out and getting a feel for things. We played a pretty intense game of catch phrase, made some new friends, laughed alot. You know, solid day. =)

This morning we woke up at about 6:45 for showers and silent time. Every morning we will be having silent time to just read some bible verses and really connect with God so that our hearts and our minds are in the right place. Then we eat breakfast and get our missionary assignments. Today I was in the sanding group with Tina, Rob and Gene -- with Ryan as our leader. Ryan is a summer volunteer for Childreach from Penn State. He shared his story with us, and it was really inspiring to hear what God has done and is doing in his life. During the morning session of sanding, I had to climb up on this ledge thing that was definitely not the sturdiest thing i've ever sat on, but it was cool. We took a break for lunch and then it was back to work. I say work pretty lightly, I had it easy today. Justin was a little bitter because him and Reston (our new friend from Tennessee) were sweating it up digging a big hole while I was hanging out in a window. Not my fault -- Ryan told me to take a break. =) However, I did help dig for a little bit.

Anywaysssss we got to go play with the kids at the orphanage today!! As soon as I walked in, Kelly walked up to me and said 'crazyy!' haha Some people played volleyball, some played soccer, a few of us just sat around and hung out. It was pretty much just a time to love on a few kids for an hour and a half. We came back for dinner and had this delicious chicken over rice with some kind of yellow sauce. Don't ask me how to say or spell anything, because I have no idea. We really started making more connections with the rest of our team tonight. It's so awesome to hear the stories of how everyone came to be here at this time in their lives and just to communicate with brothers and sisters in Christ. And we had some pretty interesting (and hilarious) conversations. Mostly started by us girls...surprise! lol Everyone was laughing soo much! There are alot more young people here than I was expecting, and I find that really encouraging. It's so easy to concentrate on the negative aspects of the youth today, that we overlook the hope and promise of our generation. It's just inspiring. We're just kids who want to help, you know? We want to change the world. We want to be a generation who can rise up against evil, and being here with these people makes me think that we can be that generation. We can start a revolution for God.

Okay, so I really need to go shower because I look like I have gray hair from sanding this afternoon. And lights out was about an hour ago. And we have to get up early. Pleae keep us in your prayers as we continue on this adventure.


Lift your eyes up. Seek God in every area of your life. Trust that He will always answer you.



peaceandlove<3

peace out, america.

At this time tomorrow, I will be sleeping in Peru.



woah.



My bags are (almost) packed, my heart is full, and I am soo excited!


Tomorrows agenda: wake up, pick up britani and justin, go to breakfast, drive to airport, flyyyyy. <3



I won't be checking my facebook or twitter for the next two weeks, but I will be blogging from Peru as often as I can, so make sure to keep checking in. If you enjoy reading my blog or need to contact me, please follow this blog and leave some feedback. That would be fantastic. thanks.





peaceandlove<3

I'M NOT SCARED.

It is 1am on Monday, July 5th. I am leaving for the airport saturday morning, july 10th. Normally, I would be freaking out...but i'm not.

Over the past few months, I have been incredibly nervous about going on this mission trip. Not the actual traveling part (i'm excited to just see an airplane up close, let alone fly in one), but the ministry part. I was afraid that I was going to mess something up or break something. I thought that I wasn't going to be good enough at whatever we do down there. My brain kept saying 'what if the people don't like me' and 'somethings gonna go wrong' and other obnoxious things. Not anymore.

I've been praying about this trip for a long time, but I recently began praying for more than safety and finances and general mission stuff. I've really been asking God to prepare my heart for this experience and, as always, He has come through. On Wednesday, I went to Round Lake to visit some of my Connect loves, and just like every single time I go to that place, God really hit home in my heart. I know that it was His plan for me to be there that day, and I am so thankful. The very first video of the night made me tear up, and every single thing during the service was like God talking directly to me. The video was about God wanting to chisel away all of the unneccessary things in this guy's life and the guy keeps interrupting HIm and finally just says 'i'm scared of what you'll find underneath'. It just brought tears to my eyes because that is so true for so many people. How many of us are hiding behind false personalities or bad friends or fancy clothes or whatever your mask may be...because we are afraid? Because we think that without all of that stuff, we are not good enough? It just makes me sad that we have come to a time in society where money and image and materials are more important to people than faith and love and honesty. What happened to purity, ya know? After the video, every song was for me and my heart and my situation. I know that, because I felt it. I felt God standing next to me, with His hand on my shoulder, catching my tears before they fell. That is love, and that is God. Then the speaker began discussing WWJD and why you shouldn't live by that. At first i'm like, ummm hello?! We definitely wanna do what Jesus would do, right? But after he started explaining it, I changed to, 'dude that makes so much sense!' Here I am, insignificant on my own, trying to do whatever it is I think Jesus would have done if He were me. But what am I? Nothing. I cannot be like Jesus. But I can let Jesus be Himself and shine through me. That's the thing, it's not so much that we shouldn't want to be like Jesus...we just shouldn't try to be our version of Jesus. We need to let Him into our hearts and our souls and our minds and let Him just be Himself through us.

So i'm not scared anymore. I'm not afraid that i'm going to mess up, because i'm just gonna let God do His thing. I'm going to go to Peru, and let Jesus use me to love those precious little kids. I'm going to let Him use me to spread hope and faith and love to anyone who is willing to receive it. I'm just going to let Him use me for whatever He needs...in Peru and for the rest of my life.

Tonight, something drew me to the book of Ephesians. After reading it, I decided to share my favorite verses from each chapter. I hope they touch your heart, in some way, as they did mine. And if you are reading this, thank you. God bless you. <3



Ephesians 1:11-12 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 3:16-19 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 5:1-2 1 Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 6:7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one of you for whatever good you do, whether you are slave or free.


peaceandlove<3

DOLLAR DRIVE

Earlier this year, I had a jean drive to collect jeans for homeless teenagers in Haiti and around our home area. It was a bigger success than I could have ever asked for. Well, right now i'm doing the same thing...only with dollar bills. In two weeks, I will be headed to Peru to spend two weeks sharing God's love with His beautiful people. I am excited beyond words and I know that God has some wonderful things planned for me. However, I still owe quite a bit of money toward this trip and I can't do it myself. That's where you come in.

Today, after having a mini-breakdown, I was praying about how I was going to come up with the rest of my funds for this trip. I knew I couldn't do it myself, and I don't want to ask just one or two people for a lot of money. Then it hit me, God has blessed me with SO MANY people in my life. So, I decided to have a dollar drive. If everyone who reads this donates just ONE dollar, I could raise the rest of my money. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad so that they'll write me a big check, i'm just asking for one dollar.

If you feel in your heart that God is tugging at you to help me out, just send a dollar in an envelope to 799 Colonial Ave. Canal Fulton, OH 44614. Pass this along. Whoever said a dollar can't make a difference has apparently never seen God in action.

Also, regardless of whether you would like to support me financially, please continue (or begin) to keep me (and my friends) in your prayers. Pray for our hearts and our minds and our hands that we will do only what the Lord has planned for us.


YOU are a blessing in my life.


peaceandlove<3

city of dreams.

As you may have read in my last post, last week I went to New York City. I fell in love. Seriously, everything about the city is incredible. The people, the lifestyle, the energy...all absolutely fantastic. We saw soo many things while we were there. Times Square, Macy's, 5th Avenue, Grand Central Station, Central Park, Strawberry Fields...and the list continues. We saw a free ten minute concert by the top ten finalists of american idol (and tim urban waveed to me and I wanted to melt). There was really just nothing that I didn't like about the city. Other than the fish smell that was constantly in the air because we were staying in chinatown, but I can look past that because everything else was so cool. Basically, I already miss it and I want to go back.

On a lower note, I didn't get the job on the ship. It's a little disappointing, but it was a good experience for me and I know that it just wasn't God's plan. I'm trying to be patient, which has always been a little bit hard for me, and figure out what God wants me to do. Sometimes it's just really hard for me because i'm afraid that He's going to give me a sign and i'm going to miss it. All is good, though. I'll just keep praying and working hard and eventually it will all work out how it needs to.

Fanta is having another contest. It's basically the same contest as last year, they're just looking for a new fourth fantana. I'm still debating whether or not i'm going to make a video and try again. What do you think? Yes, try it again or no, don't bother? Any thoughts? I have until the end of the month to decide/make/submit it. Guess i'll add one more thing to my prayer list. =)


peaceandlove<3

favorite place, twin, and chasing dreams.

Sometimes I think about my life and i'm just like, wow--God must really love me. Like, lately I just feel like everything is so good. Yesterday (Saturday), Christina and I decided we were going to spend the day camping. Of course our 40 minute drive to camp turned into a 3 hour adventure that involved the tire blowing out, but it was totally worth it. Round Lake is absolutely my favorite place in the whole world, and even though we were there less than 24 hours...it really filled my heart.

I wish that every single person in the world could have a friendship like the one I have with Christina Ward. She is by far one of the most incredible, selfless, caring persons I have ever had the blessing of knowing. I am convinced that we were meant to be twins; we are so much alike. It actually kind of freaks me out how much we have in common. I just love her. Last night, we sat on the dock for hours just talking about life and relationships and God and our futures and the realization of how blessed I am just took my breath away. There I was: in my favorite place, with my best friend, on a beautiful night just sitting by the lake talking about anything that was on my mind and in my heart. It's moments like that that remind me of how great God is and how He knows exactly what I need.

On Tuesday morning, I will be leaving for New York City. I'm auditioning for the Disney Cruise Line on Wednesday morning and I don't even know where to begin to describe my emotions. I'm insanely excited, yet at the same time I am ridiculously nervous. As always, i'm overly optimistic and am confident that I have a good chance of getting this job. I feel like God is making everything possible -- why would He push me toward this door if He wasn't going to let me through it, you know? It would be such an incredible experience for me, and timing is perfect. I have nothing holding me back. I have no ties here that are so strong that I wouldn't be able to leave for 9 months. He's lining everything up perfectly. I really want this. (I wouldn't mind a few positive prayers though, despite my optimism.) I just feel like we're finally chasing the dream and i'm praying that this time it's coming true.



Q&A
Someone asked me the other day why I like blogging so much, and I didn't really have a solid response for them. I think my answer was along the lines of, "I just like it." Because that was a quick and easy response for someone I could tell didn't want to listen for an answer. The real reason I blog? I just have a lot to say, and journals always listen. So maybe only 3 people read my blogs...awesome. Maybe someday i'll have a ton of followers who are interested in my thoughts and emotions. Maybe someday God will use me to speak to a stranger. Maybe it's just easier for me to make sense of things when I write about them. I think that's why people do most of the things that they do: to make sense of what they can't control, to show their heart and their passion. My blog lets people see a side of my heart that they may never take the time to get to know. The side that isn't afraid. I don't have to be afraid when I blog, because the computer is like a shield: protecting me from direct judgement or negativity. Maybe that's it...when I blog, I pretend that everyone wants to know what I have to say.




peaceandlove<3

Philippians 2:6-8

Last night, we had our second meeting for our Peru trip. It's basically just a big get together to talk about what we'll be doing/ what to expect/ etc. At both meetings, we have been giving bible verses to read and discuss with the people at our tables. Yesterday, my table was given Philippians 2: 6-8. We read and discussed it with one another, and then I read it aloud to the room and told them what I thought it meant. And then before I went to bed I heard it in my head. When I woke up this morning: heard it again. I just can't stop thinking about it and I am truly even more in awe of God because of these short verses.

[Philippians 2:6-8] "6Who, though He was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the very form of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!"

I don't remember exactly how I explained it at the meeting, because I'm pretty sure God took over my voice for a few minutes. (I should let Him take over my voice all the time, because He says some really good things.) Regardless, here's why I am so in love with Jesus Christ:

He didn't HAVE to do anything for me. He was royalty. He had everything He could ever want. He could have stayed in Heaven, hanging out with his Father and the angels; never having to worry about anything or feel any pain. But He didn't. He came to earth to live as a slave. He died the most painful death any human being could ever suffer. Why? Not because it was such a fabulous life. Not because Bethlehem was cooler than Heaven. BECAUSE HE LOVES US. He humbled Himself, for the sole purpose of spreading love to people who need it.

That is exactly why I'm going to Peru this summer. As an act of love. I don't have to. Nobody told me to go. I could stay in Ohio; in my nice house with a comfortable bed, friends and family who love me and take care of me, an abundance of water and nourishment, flushing toilets, a job, a car, a safe neighborhood. Let's be honest, I'm living the good life. And if you're reading this, you most likely are too. I don't have to go to Peru, but I need to. I have been blessed with so much love in my life, it's seriously insane. Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode! (In a good way. Like, a big love-bomb splattering on anyone I come in contact with.) I feel like my purpose in life is to share that love. God's love. And this summer, I want to share that love with the people of Peru.

Jesus Christ humbled Himself to save our lives. To love us. We are called to be Christ-like. Followers of God. Striving every single day to be more like Him.

I'm not saying you need to travel across the country to be more like Jesus. I'm just saying that if He can leave Heaven to live as a servant and die on a cross for us, the least we can do is share His love with people who need a little bit of hope in their lives.




peaceandlove<3

SAY NICE THINGS.

"We are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring us down."

Yes, I believe 215% that everyone is beautiful. Fat/thin/short/tall/black/white/zit-faced/messy hair/perfect skin/blonde/brunette/red-head -- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter what anyone tells you, you were perfectly created by a God who doesn't make mistakes. Maybe you don't 'fit in' at your school or workplace. Maybe you aren't stereotypically gorgeous. But who defines pretty? Not me. Not the captain of the football team. Not your boss. Not the girl who sits next to you in math class. Not the kids whispering behind your back at the mall.

The whole 'words can't bring us down' thing is what really gets me. Whoever said 'sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me' is an idiot. Because words hurt. You can't tell me that there hasn't been a time when someone told you something that made you feel bad about yourself.

- You're ugly. - Looks like you could lose a few pounds. - Oh hey, zit face. - You're too fat. - Too skinny. - Too short. - Too weak. - Too not good enough. -

Insert whatever negative comment you've ever been told. Maybe you've heard it a few too many times. Words stick in your mind for hours, days, possibly even years. Even when you know it's not true...even when you know that they were just joking...just being a jerk...it becomes glued into your memory, and it hurts. For example, my senior year of high school: we were sitting around in spanish 9th period (yes, that's how vividly I remember this conversation) just chatting about anything that popped into our heads. Of course, we started talking about relationships and falling in love and typical teenage communication. In the middle of our conversation, my friend (who will remain nameless) suddenly says "yeah stefani, like anyone is ever going to like you enough to marry you."


ouch.


I know that he was just messing around. I believe 100 percent that God has created someone who is going to fall madly in love with me...and I with him. But on a rare occasion, when people start asking me too many questions about why I'm always single and if I'm ever going to date anyone, I think about it. That little voice in my head replays a three year old comment that is probably only remembered by me. "Like anyone is ever going to like you enough to marry you."

I'm not upset. I don't want your sympathy. I'm simply using this as an example of how the things that we say can have a much longer impact than we could ever imagine. Words are powerful, use them wisely.

Challenge: say something nice. To a friend, a family member, a stranger. It doesn't matter if you know them or not. I dare you to say something positive to one new person every single day. You could save their life. Or, at the very least, make them smile.



peaceandlove<3

10 random things.

1. I refuse to eat the ends of bananas. I don't know why, but the tips just weird me out and I can't make myself eat them.

2. Bargain shopping is one of my greatest talents. I consider it a gift from God.

3. Speaking of shopping, I am a self proclaimed shopaholic. Clearance signs give me instant butterflies. haha =)

4. I am terrified of disappointing people.

5. Boys who play guitar are automatically more attractive to me.

6. You've heard the phrase small town girl with extra large dreams? That's me in a nutshell.

7. Someday i'm going to move to California. No joke. I'm doing it.

8. I pray for my future husband daily. I don't know who he is, where he is, or when I will meet him...but I hope that he is happy and healthy and strengthening his relationship with God daily.

9. I break things. All the time. I'm like a natural disaster.

10. Once you hit the 50 mark, dresses become a sort of collection.



Well, that was fun! Maybe we'll do it again sometime. =)


peaceandlove<3

RMO

YOU HAD TO LEAVE SO QUICKLY
IT WAS YOUR TIME TO GO
GOD DIDN'T ASK OUR OPINION
WE WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM NO
YOU'RE A SON AND YOU'RE A BROTHER
A COUSIN AND A FRIEND
THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER HERE
STILL ISN'T MAKING SENSE
WE ASK QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS
MOST OF THEM START WITH WHY
AND LATE AT NIGHT WHEN THE WORLD'S ASLEEP
WE STAY UP AND CRY
YOUR DEATH HAS LEFT A HEARTACHE
THAT NOTHING CAN EVER HEAL
BUT YOUR LOVE HAS LEFT US MEMORIES
THAT NO ONE WILL EVER STEAL
GOD ALWAYS HAS A PURPOSE
I HOPE SOMEDAY WE'LL SEE
THERE MUST BE A LESSON TO BE LEARNED
FROM THIS AWFUL TRAGEDY
THEY SAY TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
BUT NOT ALL SCARS WILL FADE
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS
BUT I'M MISSING YOU TODAY


Ryan, you are loved and missed. We'll see you again soon.

peaceandlove<3

April 12, 2010 - may your soul rest in love and peace.

You know how sometimes certain events take awhile to actually hit you? It's like they happen, but you don't feel them right away. It doesn't effect you in the way that you think it should, because you haven't processed it yet. You haven't let it sink in. You haven't let your heart believe that it's the truth.

I am 5 feet, 4 inches of pure emotion. (God bless the man who ever decides to fall in love with me.) I feel everything in the most extreme ways. But when my grandma passed away on Monday, I didn't feel it. I said okay. Okay?! Why in the world would you ever respond to "Grandma passed away this afternoon" with a two-syllable word that you say dozens of times a day???!!

Because you don't want to accept it, that's why. Because I had people coming over for a jewelry party. Because I was going to play volleyball. Because I didn't want people to see that I was hurting and tell me that they were sorry. It's not like they killed my great-grandmother. It's not like apologies are going to bring her back. Sorry doesn't make it easy. Sorry doesn't make it okay. Sorry doesn't take away the hurt in my heart. Sorry makes me listen. Sorry punches me in the stomach. Sorry makes me cry.

I know that it's natural for people to say that they are sorry for your loss. Nobody knows what to say to someone who has experienced a death in their family. And nobody who has had a death in their family knows what they want to hear. So instead of telling me you are sorry for something that you didn't do: give me a hug, hang out with me, be my friend, say a prayer for my family, do something! But don't say anything. Because I'm a big ball of emotions, and I don't know how many tears I have left.

This week, hearts have been broken. Tears continue to fall. And angels are celebrating the homecoming of my great-grandmother, Dorothy Brandon. She is loved, she will be missed, and she will always be in our hearts. I know that she is in a better place, I just don't want to talk about it yet.

I love you, Grandma Joe. <3



After 97 years of blessing this earth, you deserve to go home.




peaceandlove<3

Lady of Security

Girls are always chasing after boys. I know girls who are constantly in a relationship or looking for one because they don't know how to function without a boyfriend. This chapter of the book was a little bit slow for me, mostly because i've never really been one of those girls. Sure, I've had crushes on boys but I never do anything past the crushing. I don't chase boys. I'm just living my life, knowing that someday he's going to come find me. However, it would be unfair of me to not blog about this chapter, because it IS important. It's talking about security.

Many girls need a boyfriend because they need to feel secure. God created little girls with a need to be loved and taken care of. This role is initially taken on by a girl's earthly father -- who is supposed to be the closest form of our heavenly father's love that we have in our lives. I lucked out in this department. I have the greatest daddy in the whole entire world. I feel 100% loved and safe and happy in my home. My dad makes me feel like I am the most beautiful, wonderful princess that has ever walked this earth. I love him. But not all girls are as blessed as I am. Some girls don't have a fatherly love, so they spend all of their time looking for that security elsewhere. Boys cannot fill that void. Only God's love can give you the security that you need and desire.

We, as women, can only see men from an outward "today" perspective. God can see men from an inward "eternity" perspective. He knows exactly who they are and which one is right for us. He has the 'inside scoop' and can get us the BEST guy out there. But we can't get in the way. We can't start manipulating and maneuvering our way into a guy's life when we don't even know if he is right for us! "God can and will give you His best if you wait for it."

We need to be secure in God's love. Earthly love may come and go, but God's love NEVER fails. Spend time with Him. Love Him. He wants to love you and need you and take care of you. He wants you to need Him. He wants to make you feel safe. Rather than hunting for a husband, concentrate on letting the Father bring His perfect plan to you. He knows what He's doing.

God is in love with you. The sooner you accept it, the better.



peaceandlove<3

IT'S NOT COMPLICATED.

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"-Avril

I, on an almost daily basis, have been called a hippie. Sometimes because of the way that I dress and sometimes because of the way that I view life. The definition of flower child is (as told by www.dictionary.com) a young person, esp. a hippie, rejecting conventional society and advocating love, peace, and simple, idealistic values.
[Under that they could have just put this:]

In all honesty, I am kind of a hippie. A flower child, if you will. It's not that i'm channeling the 70s every moment of my life...it's just who I am. I'm simple. I don't like to complicate things. I take life at face value because that's what it's worth. I'm happy because I like being happy. I think that people over-analyze things to the point where it's impossible for them to just be content with what is actually happening.

Life isn't that complicated.
You're born, and then you die. And you're given a few years in between those two events to do some really amazing things and to make the most out of your life! So why worry about how expensive your clothes are or if the snobby girl in your biology class thinks you're "awesome"? Life isn't about being popular or cool or rich. It's about being happy and friendly and helpful. I just want to make people smile. I enjoy helping others. I genuinely feel wonderful when I am able to make someone laugh or just knowing that I could make a person's day a little bit easier, a little bit better, a little bit happier. Isn't that what life is about? Making the world a better place? Isn't it about creating moments that truly take your breath away in pure astonishment? I don't hold grudges because I think they're a waste of time. I don't stay angry because I am too happy to be mad. I will be friends with anyone who is nice to me and fun to hang out with. I really just like life. I like living. I like laughing. I like being simple-minded. I like being a hippie. (and I really like wearing flowers in my hair, in case any of you ever want to get me a gift. just sayin.)

People aren't that complicated.
Yes, sometimes boys are confusing and girls are overly dramatic. But, if you think about it, we're not that hard to figure out. Boys like to feel needed. They like to be dominant and fix things and make you feel safe. It's what they're good at. Tell them they are handsome and let them teach you new things. Girls want to feel wanted. They want to know that somebody likes and wants and needs and cares for them. Tell us we are pretty, hold our hand in public, leave a note on our windshield just to say hi. It's not that hard. (I understand that not everyone is the same and these do not apply to every single person in the world. I'm only making a point. No need to get defensive.) I realize that telling a guy he is hott and letting him teach you how to golf is NOT the only thing you have to do. There's more to it. But that is like, the core of it. People are only complicated when you make them complicated. If someone REALLY, genuinely wants to be with you...they'll let you know. If someone honestly doesn't want anything to do with you, they'll also probably let you know. Don't read into what he's not even saying. Take it for what it's worth. If you surround yourself with good people, you aren't going to have complicated relationships. Be nice to other people and they really will be nice back.

Love isn't complicated.
It's not hard. It's not stupid. It's not worthless. It's not complicated.

God isn't complicated.
He loves you. He wants you. He sent His son to die on the cross for you. All you have to do is fall in love with Him. It's the most amazing thing in the world and it is NOT complicated. It's simple. God is simple. Faith is simple.




I know that there are people who view life in a completely different way than I do. I respect that. I just don't like to make a mess of things that don't need to be chaotic. I think that people are genuinely good, sometimes we just make a few mistakes. I feel like, if I keep spreading the love...it'll catch on. I don't pray for world peace, I pray for world love. Because where there is love -- there is peace.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will then know peace."

Take life for everything it can be. Make every opportunity you are given count because you don't know how many more God will give you. Life is fun and easy, stop worrying and stressing about things that don't matter. It's all good!


peaceandlove<3

LADY OF PURITY

80% of unmarried woman have lost their virginity by the time they reach the age of 20.


WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT???????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, before I get into what I actually wanted to blog about: THAT IS ABSURD. I am honestly shocked, and appalled, at that statement. I mean, I know that tons of girls are being promiscuous in high school/college, but 80%?! That's just ridiculous. Anyways...now that I got that out of my system...this blog is about being a lady of purity.

As you all know, sex is tempting. It's desirable. We live in a world where sex before marriage is promoted in every aspect of our lives. TV, radio, friends, movies, songs, books, billboards, EVERYTHING. Media makes sex seem so fascinating. It's rarely frowned upon anymore. That honestly really upsets me. It makes me sick to think that so few people care about the intimacy and the bond that sex was created for. God wants us to have sex, lots of it. And He wants us to enjoy it. But, like most things in life, there is a right time for it.

It's like, say you're on a really strict diet. You're doing REALLY good for a few weeks, and then someone offers you a slice of cake. Rich, moist, delicious chocolate cake. Complete with the most insanely scrumptious icing in the whole entire world. You could seriously drool at the smell of this sweet treat. Cake is good. Cake is desirable. But when you're in the middle of a very strict diet, cake can make you really sick. Enjoying the enormous pleasure of that cake is wonderful -- but it's all about timing. God wants you to have cake --and sex-- but He wants you to wait.

"God wants you to be a Lady of Purity because He wants to protect you from the consequences that sex before marriage brings. These can be physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual."

PHYSICAL:
God wants to protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. They affect no only you, but your future husband. The next time you're tempted to have sex with someone you aren't married to, think about this: imagine the perfect proposal -- your perfect man, the perfect place, an amazing outfit, everything is exactly how you want it to be -- this perfect man is down on one knee and he asks you to spend the rest of your life with him. *insert girly, daydreaming sigh* You can't wait to say yes, but before you do...you have to tell him that you have an STD because you couldn't save yourself for him. ouch.

God wants to protect your 'first time.' It's like Christmas morning. When you're sitting around the tree and you open a gift that you've been wanting for a really long time: the feeling of excitement is incredible. But what if you've already seen it? What if you're like my brother and you sneak into your parents room and peek at the gift before it gets put under the tree. When you look at it in the closet, you are SO excited! Not so excited when you open that gift on Christmas, are you? That's because you already know what it is. There's no anticipation. You aren't fidgety. There's no 'I hope I like this, I can't wait to open it' feeling. Because you ruined it. You can't 'unsee' that present, just like you can't 'un-experience' your first time.

EMOTIONAL:
"God intricately and delicately formed women with emotional characteristics that differ from men. A woman cannot separate her emotions from her physical state. The man who touches your body, also touches your emotions. God made you that way, and He desires to protect your heart from being ripped apart by any man."

I've heard girls say that they're just having sex for the sex. They don't feel something for him, they just want to feel something ya know? No, actually, I don't know. All I know is that no matter how bad she wants to believe it, any girl who tells you that there was no emotional attachment is lying to you. God will forgive you, but it takes a long time to heal from the emotional damage that takes place after premarital sex. Let God protect your heart.

RELATIONAL:
Girls want to be known and loved for something other than their bodies. They want a relationship that is full of friendship and communication. Once you introduce physical passion into a relationship, it's hard for a guy to stop and be okay with just developing the friendship. This is where my motto "if it's not for sale, don't advertise it" comes in. It's like a bow on a present. If you let him play with the bow, he's going to want to untie it and unwrap the present. As a lady of purity, it is our duty to not distract him with the bow.

I know too many couples who have said, "well we're going to get married anyway so it's ok." False. Because once you get married, there is going to be a new form of insecurity racing into your relationship. "If he couldn't display self-control with me before we got married, how do I know he'll be able to display it when a hot young girl comes tempting him?" Putting a wedding band on a person's finger does not give them the instant power of self-control.

SPIRITUAL:
"Passion makes it difficult to see that God set physical limits to protect you spiritually." In Hebrews, it says that God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. It feels awful to be separated from the Lord because of the guilt of sin.

Actions speak louder than words. How can you share Christ with someone who knows your reputation? Are you causing younger/weaker brothers and sisters to stumble? 'One night of passion can totally destroy the reputation you have built over a lifetime.'


GUARDING THE TREASURE:
Okay, so the subtitle is a little 'piratey' but hey, we all love jack sparrows, right? Anyways, being a virgin in 2010 is hard. There. I said it. You have to protect yourself from the temptations of the rest of the world. You have to guard your purity. Make a list of reasons you want to remain pure until marriage. Don't lower your standards because you think it will capture a man's love forever. (It won't.) Be strong. Have a support group. Don't fall into the 'if you love me...' trap. Guard yourself from sweet talkers who will say anything just to get in your pants. Women are easily turned on by words and guys know that. Don't become one of their trophies. Don't become one of the 'conquered' that they "love" and leave. Save your body -- save your heart.


WHAT IF IT'S TOO LATE?:
Let God heal your broken heart with forgiveness. Once you have brought your sin to God, don't dwell on the past. Learn from your mistakes, but don't continue to beat yourself up with condemnation. Jesus paid for that on the cross. God is the God who forgives and forgets. You can be forgiven, and God will forget about it. And since God can forgive you, you must forgive others. That is the only way to feel completely free. "You will not be free of the hurt if you harbor bitterness. A quick way to ruin a beautiful complexion is to hold onto an unforgiving, bitter attitude." Give forgiveness, accept forgiveness, and don't feel like a damaged good. God has better in store for you. You are a treasure.




Remaining pure means so much more, to me, than saving sex for marriage. It's not about virginity...it's about purity. It's about not making out with every cute boy you meet. It's about taking care of your heart and your emotions. It's about being the type of person that you want your future love to be. It's being someone that your parents and God and future husband and kids will be proud of. It's about dancing with God and letting Him decide who is good enough to cut in.

I am a 20 year old virgin, and i'm not ashamed of it. I'm actually really proud of it, and i'm excited for the day when I can give my special gift to my husband. People always tell me not to expect to marry a virgin, because they're hard to come by these days. I hear the words, but I don't listen. I'm aware of the scarcity of virgins in America. If i'm strong enough to stay in the 20%, I think that God has created a beautiful man who is just as strong.



You are beautiful. You are a gift. Make your wedding night feel like Christmas morning.



peaceandlove<3

18 WEEKS!

18 weeks.

18 weeks to raise over $1,500. 18 weeks until I get on an airplane for the first time. 18 weeks of nerves. 18 weeks of anticipation. 18 weeks of praying and worrying and fundraising and more praying. 18 weeks of being ridiculously excited. 18 weeks of telling everyone I know about how excited and nervous I am.

18 weeks!

Ahh! So, in case you haven't figured it out, i'm going to Peru in EIGHTEEN WEEKS!!!! I, along with a few of my friends, am going on a mission trip in July to Lima, Peru. We will be working with an orphanage and teen pregnancy home, doing whatever needs to be done to help bring a better life to the people in the city while we are there.

I cannot even begin to explain all of the emotions that I am ALREADY feeling for this experience. I am excited and nervous and happy and anxious. And I am terrified. There are so many 'what ifs' running through my head, but I don't even care. I know that this is going to be a life-changing experience for me, and I cannot wait to see what God is going to do while we are there.

I pray for this trip daily. I pray for myself and for my friends that are going with me. I pray for our finances, and for the organization that is helping us plan everything. Mostly, I pray for our hearts. I want us to be open to what God has in store for us while we are there. I want us to share a little bit of hope with a child who just needs to know that he/she is loved. I want us to be selfless. I want us to make a difference.

18 weeks. That's so soon, yet so far away. I'll keep you posted. =)




peaceandlove<3

LOVE

Is there any real definition of love? I mean, sure, dictionary.com has about twenty. And the bible gives you a really good guide as to what love should be like. Lately, i've been thinking alot about love, and i've realized that it comes in so many shapes and sizes and colors and sounds that I can't even begin to count them. I think that people are so quick to look for the bad things in life that they don't stop to see that love is all around them. It's everywhere. I think that love is one of those things that you can't define...you just have to experience it and give examples of it. Love doesn't have to be between a boy and a girl who are romantically involved. You don't have to be best friends or say 'i love you' every single day. Love isn't necessarily the big, crazy, expensive things that people do for eachother. (Although, sometimes that does show a person's feelings for someone else.) But, all in all, I think that love is the little things.

Love is when over 217 pair of jeans were donated to give to homeless teenagers. It's getting a random text from someone you haven't seen in awhile, just letting you know that they're thinking of you. Love is being able to sit in silence while watching a movie, and going home feeling like you had a great conversation. Love is when you give someone a hug and they hold on a little bit longer because they know you need it. It's waving at your neighbor when you pull in the driveway, and smiling at someone in the grocery store. Love is laughing so hard that you forgot what was so funny in the first place. It's when you see someone crying and you wish you could, even if only for a minute, take away all of their pain; even if it means you have to hurt for them. Love is comfortable. Love is knowing that, no matter how loud or often you fight, you're going to work things out because you can't imagine your life without them. Love is all of the small things that make people smile. It's showing that you care. It's knowing that someone wants you and needs you and is looking out for you. Love is the little things that make life so wonderful.

I've heard people say that love is messy. They say that it's hard and it hurts and it isn't worth it. But I think those people are wrong. The fights and the lies; the cheating and heartbreak; the anger and frustration and crying: that's NOT love. Love is what gets you through the hard times. Love is what makes you believe that you deserve better. Sure, relationships can be hard...but love is easy.



peaceandlove<3

I DON'T LIKE RELIGION

One of my least favorite words in the universe? Religion. Go ahead and pick your jaw back up, i'm serious. It's not 'religion' in itself that i'm not a fan of, I just REALLY don't like the word.

www.dictionary.com defines religion as a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. Awesome. But what does that really mean? A set of beliefs agreed upon by a number of persons? I know a ton of people who believe that Lebron James is the greatest basketball player/person alive. Does that make him a religion? What about starbucks? Hollister? Going green? What REALLY makes something a religion? I just feel like it's too broad. It confuses people. It makes people argue and manipulate and stereotype. Most people see others who say they are 'religious' yet are doing the same things they are and don't even understand what religion is. THAT'S why I don't like the word religion. It's abused, misused and misunderstood.

I've said it a hundred times and i'll say it a thousand more: i'm an observer. I observe every single person, place and situation in my life. I like to analyze the way people act and talk and treat eachother. I like to listen to people and give advice. I like to talk with people and get to the root of the situation, because that's what matters: the root. So, i've dug down to the root of religion and I like the root of it a whole lot more than i like the entire thing.

As I mentioned before, the word religion is pretty broad. Therefore, the root of your religion is pretty much the person/place/idea that holds the most focus and admiration from its people. From a christian perspective, God is the root of our religion. But that's pretty obvious and would cause for a very unthoughtful blog, so you know I didn't stop there. I dug all the way back to elementary english and found the root word. Oh yeah, you know what i'm talking about. The base. The core. The word that makes it mean something. You know what the root word of religion is? RELATIONSHIP.

That's right, relationship. And all of you english majors out there who want to correct me saying that you can't have a root word that is longer than the main word...just back up off it, alright? In this instance, you can.

Seriously though, I absolutely 100% LOVE having conversations with people about life and love and God and anything that you would ever want to chat about. [Hit me up, we'll grab some ice cream.] There have been so many times when i've talked to people, of all ages and lifestyles, and they are so lost in their 'religion' because they don't know what to do. They don't know what they do or should believe. They don't know what denomination they should follow or how to get back on the right path. It breaks my heart when someone says that they aren't religious because they don't know how to be. My advice to every single person who is lost or confused or scared: worry more about your relationship than your religion.

Religions can change. They can be misconstrued and misunderstood. But your relationship with God is so incredibly important to your future. You can go to church and volunteer at the soup kitchen and memorize bible verses and be the most religious person in your circle of friends, but if you don't have a relationship with God...it honestly doesn't matter. Yes, you should do good things. Yes, you should go to church and help out your neighbors. You need to do things that are considered religious. But your main focus needs to be on falling in love with Jesus Christ. Don't be scared of 'religion'. Don't swear off a relationship with God just because you think 'church people' are clique-y and stereotypical. Stop letting the world get in the way. Give the devil a roundhouse kick to the jawbone by developing a relationship with the King of Kings.

Even if you don't have a 'religion', you can still have a relationship. God loves you. He wants you. He's trying to meet you more than halfway...but you have to step onto the bridge. I am praying for you. I'm praying for your heart and your soul and your relationship with the love of my life. I love you.




peaceandlove<3

I WISH I COULD FLY

If you really know me, or if you've read a few of my blogs/poems, you probably know that my grandma passed away when I was little. What you might not know is that she was my very best friend and the greatest person to ever walk the planet. I honestly cannot begin to describe how wonderful she was. Even though she went to heaven over 12 years ago, I think about my grandma every single day. Sometimes it's just a passing 'hey grandma, i miss you' and sometimes it's more of an 'i don't know what to do without you here and i need you so much right now'. Regardless, i live my life every single day to make my grandmother proud. I miss her so much that i cannot even comprehend how to explain it. The other day, I got my pink guitar in the mail. Most of you know that I am super incredibly excited about it. Nobody knows that one of the main reasons I want to learn how to play guitar is so that I can sing this song that I recently wrote for my grandma. There's no music yet, but once I learn how to play, I plan on singing it to her every single day. She's gonna love it so much. I hope you will to. For now, here are the lyrics. Enjoy! =)


IF I COULD FLY TO HEAVEN,
I'D STOP BY EVERYDAY
JUST TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU,
KISS YOUR CHEEK AND THEN BE ON MY WAY.

THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS
I WISH THAT YOU WERE BY MY SIDE
BUT I KNOW YOUR WATCHING OVER ME SAYIN
'HANG ON GIRL, IT'S A CRAZY RIDE'

I MISS YOUR SMILE
I MISS YOUR FACE
YOUR GENTLE TOUCH
YOUR WARM EMBRACE

WE USED TO LAUGH
NOW SOMETIMES I CRY
AND IT'S DAYS LIKE TODAY
I WISH I COULD FLY


RIP Grandma Barber, i love you so much.



peaceandlove<3

CRUSH LYRICS

You know how sometimes you listen to a song and you read the lyrics and are just like, 'wow that's my life'? Well, it happens to me all the time. Tonight, for instance, I was reading lyrics to random songs and came across David Archuleta's song Crush. First of all, props to David. I love his voice. He's so freaking adorable. Anyways, these lyrics are perfect. I just thought i'd share them. I wish I could muster up the guts to actually say this to someone, but I know I never will. In the meantime, enjoy the lyrics. (and the video if you'd like - it's wonderful!)

Crush - David Archuleta
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush

cuz the possibility
that you would ever feel the same way
about me, just too much, just too much

why do i keep running from the truth
all i ever think about is you
you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
and i just gotta know

do you ever think when you're all alone
all that we can be, where this thing can go
am i crazy or fallin in love
is it really just another crush

do you catch a breath when i look at you
are you holding back like the way i do
cuz i've tried and tried to walk away
but i know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay
going away-ay-ay

has it ever crossed your mind
when we're hanging, spending time
are we just friends? is there more? is there more?

see it's a chance we've gotta take
cause i believe that we can make this into
something that will last, last forever, forever

do you ever think when you're all alone
all that we can be, where this thing can go
am i crazy or fallin in love?
is it really just another crush?

do you catch a breath when i look at you?
are you holding back like the way i do?
cause i've tried and tried to walk away
but i know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay
going away-ay-ay



gahhh if this is God's way of teaching me patience or something, I am NOT a fan. just saying.

oh yeah, here's a link to the video. enjoy. ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA#



peaceandlove<3

A TRIBUTE TO NICE GIRLS

I didn't write this, but my best friend found and sent it to me a few years ago and I like to read it occasionally because i love it. I hope you do too.


This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong.
This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.


This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude L0VESzs and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted.

This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)


to the person that wrote this: thank you, from every single nice girl out there. we appreciate it.

and to all of you nice girls: keep being nice. keep being loyal. and NEVER give up your integrity. there ARE nice guys out there -- sometimes it just takes them awhile to come find us. =)


peaceandlove<3

SOULMATES

I believe in love. I believe in soulmates and fairytales and happily ever after. I believe that God has someone out there for me who is so incredibly wonderful that I am going to have to pinch myself daily just to see if i'm dreaming or not. I believe that, as much as I am wanting him, some beautiful boy is longing for me. I don't know who he is, or where he is, or what he's doing...but I know he's out there. I am fully convinced that I am going to meet this boy and we are going to fall madly, deeply, passionately in love. It may be next week, or next year, or not until i'm 35. He may be in Ohio, California, Iowa or Italy. I have no idea. But i'm trusting God to write my love story and I have faith that it is going to be the most well-written romance novel ever.

Do I give God my input? Of course I do! I think I utter 'please let it be Joe Jonas' at least once a day. haha Seriously though, i'm a 20 year old girl, obviously I have ideas in my head of what I want my future husband to be like. God and I chat all the time. I think He's taking some things into consideration, but ultimately it comes down to what He knows is best for me.

I guess the point of me telling you this is because I know that people laugh at my fairytale ideas of love...but that doesn't make me any less of a believer. I have been praying for my future husband since I was fifteen years old...and I know that he is going to be worth the wait. So when someone tells you that they feel/believe a certain way, don't just laugh at them. There's probably a good explanation as to why they believe that way. I guess my explanation is faith (and a little bit of naive little girl). You might not believe in soulmates, and that breaks my heart, but I do. There's enough heartache in this world, why try to tear down someones dreams?

Here, let me lay it out for you: rhyming style. =)

THEY SAY I DREAM TOO BIG
THEY SAY I DREAM TOO MUCH
THEY SAY THAT WITH REALITY
I'M SLOWLY LOSING TOUCH
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A DREAMER
WITH MY HEAD UP IN THE CLOUDS
AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT
SO I'M NEVER COMING DOWN


peaceandlove<3

COUNTING PANTS...

I will update this post throughout the drive to keep everyone up to date on how many pair of jeans are being donated. My goal? 50 pair. Here we go!

DAY ONE:1/21: 6 pair --seems like a pretty solid start to me!
DAY THREE:1/23: 7 pair -- Got NHS involved, people are talking, i'm hoping this is good
DAY SIX:1/26: 11 pair =)

JEAN DRIVE

Maybe they're your 'one day i'll fit into these again' or your 'I might wear them someday'. Maybe they were a gift and you think they're ugly or they've been sitting in the back of your closet for so long that you forgot about them. (Go ahead, take a minute to check. I'll be right here.) You could possibly be saving them for the 'right date' that hasn't happened in three years. It's okay if they're just not your favorite. My point is, almost every person I know has at least one pair. That's right, i'm talking about your jeans. You know the ones that you don't actually wear but you keep in your closet for years 'just in case'. Well, now's the time to give those jeans to someone who is actually going to appreciate them.

www.teensforjeans.com has paired up with www.dosomething.org and Aeropostale for the third annual Teens for Jeans drive, a campaign that collects gently worn jeans for homeless teens. All sizes are greatly appreciated! All you have to do is drop them off at a local Aeropostale store! It's that easy. And, if you find that is an inconvenience, i'll take that step out for you. I'll pick the jeans up! I'm going to ask local schools and churches, as well as my own family and friends, to start collecting gently worn jeans. I will then come collect the jeans from you all so that you don't even have to go to the store! How awesome is that? Pretty cool, I know. You wanna know something else that's cool about it? The first 100,000 pair of jeans donated will be sent to support homeless teens in Haiti!

Seriously, though, if you have any jeans that you don't wear and are willing to donate, please let me know. I will be collecting donations from now through February 10th, as the drive ends February 14th. This is an easy way to help those less fortunate than we are. Tell your girlfriends, boyfriends, weird friends, regular friends, family, peers, boys, girls, strangers...anybody you know. Set up a donation bin at your school/church/workplace. The more jeans we can collect, the more teenagers we can help. Spread the word, and get back to me on if I can pick up a donation on the 10th.

Sometimes God works in small (or large), wonderful, denim ways. =)


peaceandlove<3

steve ward's explanation of love

So, i'm a little bit addicted to the TV show Tough Love. I can't pinpoint what it is about it, but I just love watching it. And I love Steve! Like, I wish I had someone in my life who would just straight up say, 'hey Stef, he's just not interested' or 'this is why you're always single' or something like that. I guess I just love that he is so brutally honest, yet genuinely loves and wants the best for the girls on the show. And, like most girls my age, I love the drama. (Mostly because it's not mine. c:) Regardless, I was watching random clips from season one and stumbled across the episode when Taylor left. During the conversation, Steve explains to the girls what love is. I just really like his definition and wanted to share it. Do you agree?

"You know what love is? It's letting go. It's the desire to grow and change and better yourself. It's the discipline to be faithful to somebody. To stay committed to yourself and someone else. That's love. And it all starts from within." -Steve Ward, Tough Love


You need to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you. <3



peaceandlove<3

Running Away

"We've learned to run from anything uncomfortable" is a line from Paramore's song Miracle. I don't really listen to Paramore (i'm more of a Jonas Brothers/country listener myself) but I totally have to agree with them. It's like our first instinct is to run away. And it's not just when we are uncomfortable. It's when something is hard or scary or emotional or frustrating or crazy or any sort of feeling that we just don't want to feel anymore.

If you are anything at all like me, God bless your little soul, you've probably thought about running away at least a time or two. The thing is, normal people think about running away when they're twelve. Not me, though. I never could have done it...too big of a baby. However, ever since I turned 18, I think about it all the time. Like, I honestly wish I could just pack as much stuff as I can in my car, fill up my tank, and drive to California. Will I ever do it? Possibly. It's not that I hate everything here. I have wonderful friends and family members who take care of me and are at my side whenever I need them. I appreciate that my parents still let me live at home without paying rent even though i'm twenty years old and should probably grow up. I don't mind living in a little town where everybody knows everybody. I think it's cool that not all of our roads have street signs and if you say you're from Canal Fulton people automatically say 'where's that?'. I like it here, but I need to get out. I don't think i'm better than it, but I want so much more than this small town life. Anyways, me wanting to get out of here is not what this blog is about. It's about running away.

There are two main types of running away. There's literally putting clothes in a backpack and running away from your house, and there's running away from God. In some situations, running away from home may be the safest decision you have. But if you come from a good home where you are being taken care of and noone is harming you physically or emotionally...just stay there. Fighting with your parents over whether or not your room is clean is NOT a good reason to just pack up and leave. And running away from God: stupid. I guess not so much stupid, but pointless. My reasoning? He's gonna catch you.

You're not fast enough. You can't run too far or too long. You can't go off-trail and get lost. No matter how fast or how long you run, or how twisted your path may be, you can NEVER outrun God. Go ahead and try. Because I can almost guarantee that if you look over, He's going to be running right next to you, waiting for you to run out of breath. And when you do, He's going to breathe for you. But maybe you're already running because you don't know what to do. And when you look over, you can't see God and you think you've outsmarted Him. The thing is, He knows where you're going even if you don't. So He'll be there: with a towel, a glass of water, and open arms. Instead of running away from God, just run to Him. Run as fast as you can into His loving arms and just let Him embrace you. That's all we're really looking for, anyways. Someone to love us and hold us and tell us that everything is going to be okay. Well, that's what God wants to do...so let Him.

Running away doesn't solve your problems; it just changes them.



peaceandlove<3